SOMETIMES IT TAKES A LANDSLIDE

Climbed a Mountain and I Turned Around

For me it’s been a hectic fast paced fall full of activities. To be certain it has included beautiful colors, full bright moons and clear starry nights. All of these gifts available to me along with long leisurely walks in the woods with my lab, early morning jogs on a beautiful new bike path in town, dinner out with friends, reading new books, enjoying diverse music and practicing LOTS of yoga (did I mention oodles of sweet cinnamon and pumpkin smelling baked goods coming from my kitchen?) But still… somehow I have felt that something has been lacking, amiss, untenable to my grasp. I sensed a certain melancholy, emptiness to my days that only seemed more jarring when one or another disappointment floated my way. Facing the reality that friends and sometimes family have acted in unexpected and sometimes unsettling ways seemed to tip my scale of inner balance toward disillusionment and dismay. Reminding myself that “I can’t change anyone except me” and then wondering out loud “how the hell am I supposed to do that"? I began to try to stick to some new idea of a pumped up “better more authentic” me. I engaged in a rather hyped up “pedal to the medal” way of living my days by adding more “to dos” and goals filling up what seemed like every waking moment. 
For the life of me I tried to stay focused on this new crusade of “becoming” only to feel it slip farther and farther away. Until that is, Monday night….and for just the smallest moment in time when all the energies inside me begin to shift and take shape into what has started a landslide of inner clarity, calmness and blessings bringing me back down to my own unique and purposeful journey.
And I Saw My Reflection in the Snow Covered Hills
As I began to think about and prepare for my Beginners Yoga class that night I started the ritual of pulling together a playlist of my favorite music to set the tone for the class. The light was fading from the sky, the air was turning cool and I sensed the need to hunker down and go within. My music selections mirrored my mood and included some new tunes I had recently been drawn to as well as some re makes of older songs that seemed to reflect my state of mind. Soon I was in my car and on my way to teach class with a mellow, mindful playlist in hand.
Can the Child Within My Heart Rise Above?
Entering the soft yellow glow of the studio, many of my students had already arrived and had set up their mats. Once they saw me their faces turned expectantly as if they had been waiting for my guidance. A momentary panic filled my chest as I wondered what of value I could possibly offer; as I was struggling even to find my own way. I slipped my playlist into the outlet and as the music began to fill the space I lowered the lights and encouraged these new yogis to lie down on their mats, spread out and concentrate on their breath. I invited them to focus on their heart centers and listen quietly as their own inner voices floated up and whispered to them. I suggested that instead of being the captains of their souls spending energy on directing and navigating, to let go and for a moment become a witness to the experience.
Can I Sail Through the Changing Ocean Tides?
As I watched the students become quiet, centered and intent on their meditations I felt waves of emotions roll through me. I realized that I had not stopped long enough in my busy day, week, month or fall season to allow for much feeling to pierce through my fast paced activities. Like waves from a stirred up sea these feelings started to rise from within and I found myself surprised and caught off guard. As I followed my own advice I focused on my breath acknowledging each emotion as it rose and began practicing letting go without attachment, judgment or fear. I felt an inner calm expand and take residence in my heart. Although the physical practice that night was slow, nurturing and steady the inner practice of breath work, focus and intent proved to be challenging, significant and strong.
Oh Mirror in the Sky what is Love?
As the class moved forward the shift in the atmosphere was significant. Where once there had been a buzzing of expectations and energy there now was a calm and quiet watchfulness. The students lay still for the final asana Savasana and a contented sigh filled the room. As they inhaled I mused out loud how their heart centers reached towards the Universe and its abundant supply of light, opportunities and freedom and how on the exhales their bodies searched to root down further into the safety and sturdiness of Mother Earth. I remembered then that the meaning, clarity and direction I sought was not to be found in all of my activities but in the quiet moments when my inner voice has the space to rise up, whisper and nudge me in a new direction. Round and round the journey goes bringing magic and meaning where I least expect it. Bringing me up …..
Til The Landslide Brings Me Down
…….and brings me back to the safety of my mat, where I find the quietness and space to start all over again.

 Music Suggestion: 
Landslide by, Robyn Sherwell on her album, Islander
(A hauntingly beautiful re-make of the Stevie Nicks classic)