Still In The Process.....Still In The Progress
Ahhhh August....what have you to teach me?
Waking early to sit on my porch and listen to the birds sing their happy songs, I sip my coffee before the day starts to unveil its magic and mysteries to me. I feel a sense of remarkable stillness and calm at the edge of a vast openness that holds excitement and possibilities of who I am continuing to become. I am aware of a sense of gratitude for this time and space that I have been offered.
This is the process of which I am becoming Me.
As I sit to begin my morning's quiet meditation my mind (as if it hasn't quite agreed to the idea) begins its daily ritual of cascading a parade of random thoughts in front of me. Over and over ideas, images, regrets, hopes and fears pour through my mind like a continuous waterfall of energies repeating themselves in a never ending story of drama. The pull to get entangled in these mind stories is strong and enticing. It is a well known path to me and one I've followed for what seems like forever. Although this route I am offered is familiar, I realize rarely, if ever, is it satisfying to my soul.
Settling in and focussing first on what is available to me, I draw my attention to my breath. I will use this as my anchor to keep me safe from drifting away. Each time my thoughts wander to where my thinking mind pulls me I remind myself to return to the sensations of my inhale and exhale. At some point this in itself becomes a well worn path, a ritual if you will, for my stream of thoughts to follow.
It occurs to me, that although the mind is an efficient servant it is not a very good master. The very nature of its tendency to bounce and jump and repeat itself incessantly makes it hardly worth following with any expectation of meaningful outcome. I realize that just because I have thoughts I don't necessarily need to follow them, believe them or identify myself by them. They are simply just energies regurgitating themselves in a fleeting and impermanent manner.
I am not my thoughts.
Quietly and steadily with gentle nonjudgemental determination over and over again I bring myself back to my breath. In this space of calm a new awareness bubbles up from a deeper more sacred place. I am reminded that to be human means to be presented with many different experiences and scenarios, its all part and parcel of being alive. There will be joys, sorrows, pleasures and pain. There will be moments of blame as well as praise. Incredible interactions of beauty and understanding as well as time spent grieving and feeling the powerful sting of loss. Its all part of the package. Its all intertwined in this earthly journey.
I am following my own unique path.
The uncomfortable feelings are not to be feared or avoided. The pleasures are not to be chased or clung to. The dance of humanity is simply just that, an incredible sonnet of music and movement that avails itself to me as I allow the vibrational notes to wash through and over me. Swirling, dipping and bowing to each partner and experience that presents itself to me on my own unique journey I strive to meet each experience with an open and compassionate heart. I am learning to trust that there is far more to this symphony of life than I could ever be made aware.
This is what August has offered to teach me.
I am still in the process.
I am still in progress.
I am grateful.
